fleeting moments.

November 09, 2015

fleeting moments.

*Jayden & Mama day* moment<3

nothing like weeping full force in the middle of doing dishes. this just happened to me... and i remember thinking; when you feel this deeply, write about it. so i am.

i'm doing dishes, jamming out tunes and i start thinking about my son, Jayden. he tried to help with the dishes yesterday when i was gone, (which my husband encouraged him to do). STILL, it was sweet of him and i appreciate the effort. i was stacking mugs in the cupboard and noticed some of them didn't look so "CLEAN". i just kinda chuckled & figured i'd teach him some "elbow-grease" skills soon. i kept thinking about Jayden though...my mind was fixated. he's 13 now, and it's just so surreal. i started thinking about how CRAZY it is that i have a 13 year old child. i myself feel barely past my teens, yet here i am with a son this old.

my mind went barreling back to when i gave birth to Jayden, he was a freaking HUGE baby~ 9 lbs 8oz, and yeah~ no c-section! but he was worth every push and painful contraction. the nurse let me see him right away as they typically do. the first thing i managed to say (exhaustedly so) was "hey buddy" and smiled so big :) he had the chubbiest cheeks and this head full of crazy curls. i was a first time mama, young, inexperienced and a bit scared. but he made it easy, what an awesome baby he was! just so content for the most part. <3 he grew and grew, and time came and went & it all seems like this crazy blur now. i look back at pictures and cherish that i have them to remind me of what an amazing, wild, magical journey it is to be a mama.

i thought of how we cuddled for the longest time. we like to call it "squish" because..well, we're weird. ((haha)) he sometimes comes to my room and wants to cuddle and talk about stuff & most of the time i will. but sometimes, i'll say~ "sorry bud, i'm too *busy*"...and when i look back.. i think to myself, "why do i EVER say i'm too busy?? this is your child who's growing at *super-human weed speed*, don't let these moments pass! you'll look back and remember them fondly & so will he."

last night we cuddled a bit though <3 on the couch while watching youtube vids. those moments are much fewer these days. it's not like they never happen, just a lot less. i remember him and i promising each other that we would never stop "squishing", no matter what. we will always take time to squish and always say "i love you". he tells me he loves me all the time & i know i also take that for granted. things become the norm and life goes by and how often do we really stop to think, wow. i appreciate this moment. i love my family/son/husband/wife/daughter/mother/father/gram/gramp/etc. so much. i mean, we do...but never enough.

i guess my hurricane of emotions over came me whilst doing them dang dishes today. not only about a growing child, but about life and time and moments fleeting. i just want to bottle everything up, i want time to stand still for at least a little while. but it never does...does it? instead, today i write to inspire myself and others to take more time. there is never enough, but seriously there is. i once read one of the top things dying people regret is~ not spending enough time with loved ones. cause in the end, that's the biggy peeps. LOVE and FAMILY. quality moments and good memories. tomorrow isn't promised to anyone.

years from now i'm sure to look back on this entry and be grateful i wrote it, and even more so if i take my words to heart.

i guess i'll give jayden that squish for sure next time, i'll probably even prompt it. <3